


five bells

by itisjosh



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bakery, Bad Cooking, Baking, Best Friends, Cooking, Dumbasses, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Idiots, Learning how to cook, No Angst, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships, Rivalry, Sort Of, They just hate each other, Threats of Violence, aka the fic in which niki almost murders a man, but they're joking threats, dumbassery, niki & schlatt are friends i promise, niki has the brain cell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:13:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27677887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itisjosh/pseuds/itisjosh
Summary: When Tubbo and Eret call in sick, Niki enlists the help of her roommates.It's the worst choice of her life.
Relationships: Jschlatt & Niki | Nihachu, Jschlatt & Wilbur Soot, Niki | Nihachu & Wilbur Soot
Comments: 60
Kudos: 204





	five bells

**Author's Note:**

> hello i stole this idea from @bananasofthorns go read their works :D

Schlatt is an excellent chef. 

He can make mac 'n cheese without burning it, he can successfully use a microwave, and he can turn the knobs on the oven with ease. He's arguably the best cook between him and Wilbur, which isn't really saying much. Even though he's an amazing cook, his best meal by far has to be cereal. Schlatt can make that flawlessly, without any issues whatsoever. He'd say that it's definitely something to be proud of, since Wilbur lit ramen on fire in the microwave once. When Niki asked if he could help with baking some bread or whatever, of course he said yes. He could hear the defeat in her voice, and he's so ready to prove her wrong. 

He can bake just fine, he's positive about it. "What's up!" He shouts, bumping the bakery's door open with his hip. He glances past the counter, listening to Niki swear under her breath. Schlatt knows damn well that some of those words aren't English swears, and he isn't entirely sure what the hell she's just called him. "Is Wilbur here yet?" He asks, vaulting himself over the counter. He nearly breaks his fucking foot when he hits the ground, wincing at the shift in tiles. "Your decor sucks. You need better tile."

"The tile is just fine," Niki glares at him, her eyes narrowed. He's only said three sentences to her, and she already looks like she wants to kill him. To be fair, that's a record. "And no, Will isn't here yet."

"Guess it's just me and you, babe!" Schlatt grins, immediately wincing when he says the words. "Nevermind. Retracting that statement, I never said it. You're annoying and I hate you. You're also way too nice and goody-two-shoes for me, so there's that," he claps his hands together, moving past her. He stiffens when he feels her fist connect with his shoulder, pretending like it doesn't hurt as much as it does. "Violence is never the answer, Niki," Schlatt reminds her, grinning down at her. He hears a chime, his heart immediately soaring. "Wilbur! Wilbur Soot!" He shouts, whirling around to face his best friend. 

Wilbur looks disheveled, his hair damp and completely unkempt. His sweater is on backwards, his shoes aren't even tied, and Schlatt's pretty sure that the Monster energy drink in his hand isn't his first one of the day. "Good morning!" Wilbur beams back, his voice unnaturally high. "I have never woken up this early in my life!" He stands straighter, taking a swig of the energy drink. "I am unbelievably tired, and I think that I am going to pass out soon!" 

Niki sighs, and Schlatt does the same. "What time'd you go to bed, Wilbur?"

"I did not," he cheerfully reports, his eyes shining in the dim light. "Do you have another energy drink? I'm almost out."

"This is your.." Niki raises an eyebrow at him. 

"Fifth," Wilbur grins, his smile full of light and charm, and just a hint of deliriousness. "This is my fifth. I'm looking to make it ten by the end of the hour," he giggles, moving past the counter. "Just kidding. This is only my second, don't look at me like that. The bit was funny and you know it."

"You're gonna die of a heart attack, Wilbur," Schlatt sighs, plucking the can out of his hands. He downs the entire drink in one gulp, handing Wilbur the empty can back. "You ready to bake some bread, big guy?" He asks, grinning at the disgusted look on Wilbur's face. 

"I'm going to beat you to death," Wilbur tells him, the amped up energy in his voice dwindling. "I don't know with what yet, but I'm going to beat you to death. I'll shove you in the oven, like Hansel and Gretel," he crosses his arms, flinging the empty energy drink towards the trash. "Niki, will that oven burn a body?"

Niki stares at him. "Any oven will burn a body, Will." Schlatt pretends like he doesn't feel concern at the words. He knows that Niki's his friend. Sort of. He knows that Niki, as a human being, would never commit murder. So he's safe, but it never feels like it. 

"Good to know," Wilbur grins, looping an arm around Schlatt's shoulders. "When's the bakery open?" He asks, tilting his side ever so slightly to the left. Schlatt bites his tongue, trying his best to not comment on how that makes him look like a fucking dog. Wilbur really is just a big, human-looking puppy, Schlatt's learnt. "What are we making?"

"It'll be open in an hour and a half," Niki murmurs. "Anything pastry-wise. There's nothing specific, just.." she sighs. "Please don't burn my bakery down."

Schlatt grins, shrugging off Wilbur's arm. "No promises, Niki. No promises."

* * *

Wilbur is pissed that Schlatt drank the rest of his energy drink. He's running on one and a half of a Monster and two bites of cereal, and that's not nearly enough to keep him awake for an entire day. Whatever, he'll just eat some of the fucking dough Niki's already started to make, since that probably has some sort of energy in it. 

"Will," Niki grabs him by the arm, and he sighs. Fuck, he forgot that she reads minds. "Knead the dough," she stares at him, her eyes serious. "Do _not_ eat it. Do not put it anywhere near your mouth. Do you understand me?" Wilbur gives her his best grin, tilting his head to the side. His hair falls in his face, blocking half off his vision. "Will."

"Can you say it in German?" He asks, beaming as brightly as he can. "I learn best in foreign languages." 

Niki stares at him.

"No," she crosses her arms, turning away. "Knead the dough. If I come back and it's in your mouth, I'm kicking you out."

"You wouldn't!" Wilbur calls after her, watching as she disappears into the next room over. He sighs, grabbing the bowl, spinning it for a second. "Schlatt? What're you doing?" He can hear rustling, which is never good. Admittedly, it's better than Schlatt being completely silent, but it's still not _good_. "Schlatt. I swear, Niki's going to kill me if you fuck something up."

"Nah," Schlatt's voice is distant, shit. That's definitely not good. "She'd kill me. She'd kill me right now for just breathing, Wilbur, we both know this."

"Where are you, Schlatt?"

"Away," Schlatt laughs. Wilbur can hear his stupid grin in his voice. "Keep Niki away from me for a bit, okay? I'm remodeling."

"You're _what_?"

Schlatt starts to cackle, and Wilbur feels his blood pressure spike. God, he's going to fucking die from high blood pressure before the end of the day, he isn't even going to be surprised when it happens. "You heard me! The tile is shit, Wilbur. Someone's gotta fix it." Wilbur winces when he hears a door slam shut, quietly watching as Niki storms out of the room. She has a knife in her hand, and Wilbur is honestly concerned for his life. 

"Niki-"

"Knead the dough," she doesn't even look at him when she says it. Wilbur keeps kneading the dough, mostly out of fear. He closes his eyes when he hears Schlatt's panicked shrieking. "The tile is _fine_ , Schlatt!"

"It isn't!" He howls, and Wilbur hears desperate footsteps. "It's not okay! Let me fix it! Let me fix it!"

"Get over here before I _stab_ you!" Niki shouts. Wilbur watches as Schlatt leaps across the counter, sprinting past him. " _Schlatt!_ " 

"Hey, Wilbur!" Schlatt grins at him, slamming straight into the closed door. He hits the ground with a thud, and Wilbur squeezes his eyes shut. 

It hasn't even been thirty minutes.

* * *

Niki watches as Schlatt holds an ice pack to his face, his eyes narrowed at her. He flips her off, mouthing a "fuck you". Niki just glares back at him, pointing the knife at him. Schlatt blinks, immediately turning away. She isn't even sure why she thought that this would be a good idea. She figured that Wilbur could keep the bastard under control, and it turns out that she was wrong. Wilbur's running on energy drinks, and that's the worst possible version of Wilbur to have right now. She made him sit down at one of the tables and threw a muffin at him, figuring that he'd eat it. He better have. If she comes back and it's still on the table, she's going to shove it down his throat. 

Niki shoves the tray of dough into the oven, kicking the door shut gently. She claps her hands together, flour puffing out around her, dramatically falling to the ground. her shirt is covered in flour and dough, which is fine. At least she didn't stab Schlatt, because then it'd be covered in blood, and blood is apparently very difficult to get out of clothing. Niki leans against the wall of the bakery, smiling to herself as she listens to the hum of the oven. She can hear the radio Wilbur put on, though she doesn't quite recognise the song. It's a little too far away for her to hear properly. 

Admittedly, it could be worse. 

Schlatt is still alive, which Niki didn't think would happen. Wilbur isn't nearly as energetic as he was a couple minutes back, opting to finally calm down at sit still. She ended up baking the majority of everything, but it's fine. She got to spend time with her best friend and the other one, which is nice. 

"Shop's open," she calls, closing her eyes. "Flip the sign for me, Will?" 

"Of course!" He calls back, and she hears the chair squeak. "Schlatt's bleeding all over the counter."

" _Schlatt_."

"Dude, don't fucking snitch on me," Schlatt mutters. "Not my fault I was being hunted down like a feral animal."

Niki breathes out. "Stop acting like one, then."

" _Oooh_ ," Wilbur giggles. "She's got you there, Schlatt."

"You're lucky I'm comfortable here, or else I'd come over there and touch your ankles, Wilbur Soot." 

"Get off the counter," Niki sighs, trying her best to hide her smile. "We're going to have customers soon, and they don't need to see you first thing in the morning." 

Schlatt huffs, but she hears his feet hit the ground. 

All in all, she thinks, things could have gone a lot worse. 


End file.
